Second Chance by Dave Cenker

Author:Dave Cenker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: determination, disabled, handicap, hope, love, redemption, relationship, romance, secrets, success, suicide
Publisher: self-published
Published: 2018-03-04T00:00:00+00:00

24

The white capsule staring at me from the palm of my hand should be the easiest one. There’ll be no imminent physical harm from taking a single tablet. I’ve done that many times before without contemplating its consequences. As I’m finding out, this first pill is the most difficult, a symbol of my emotional commitment.

An internal battle rages, a fiery clash between preservation and destruction.

It’s a defense mechanism that’s more challenging to overcome than I expected. As serene as the atmosphere is surrounding me, the scene in my head is much different.

I want to take the entire lot at once and complete the act before I change my mind, but I’d perish from choking on the pile of pills before I slip into a state of unconsciousness. A silent departure from this planet is more appealing. I’m ready to rid myself of the anguish that’s infiltrated my once-promising life. Just not in such a harrowing way. My final moments should be free of pain. I only hope to fall asleep, peacefully and permanently.

The other six capsules at the bottom of the bottle beckon me. This will be my destiny.

The ringing sound surprises me. Where is my phone? Was it resting on top of the pizza box when I launched it across the room in a childish act of outrage? I don’t bother retrieving it. Instead, I take the time between rings to wonder who calls me.

Is it Christine, coming to her senses? Unlikely. Every sign I missed over the past several weeks is rushing back into my consciousness. It reaffirms the cruel truth that isn’t any easier to accept.

Is it my parents, deciding to contact me, after what is it, eight years? Why am I playing this game of conjecture? Why should it matter? Whoever is calling, they’ll never hear from me again.

The phone stops ringing. I wait a minute, hopeful for the chime that doesn’t arrive. There’s no voicemail. It’s the last nail in my coffin. I tilt my head and take a sip of water as the first of seven pills slides to its final resting place. I must continue, fingering out the second one and inserting it into my mouth with forced conviction. Another swig. Two down, five to go.

I fish the third pill out with my fingers trembling. My physical form realizes it’s being manipulated by its emotional counterpart to carry out an act against its will. The white capsule is on its way to the place where the others sit when the sound of crunching gravel from the driveway catches my attention.

I need to ingest these remaining pills while I still have the nerve to continue. On the verge of tossing the third pill back, a knock at the door stops me in my tracks.

It’s her. Leah. What is she doing here? At eight o’clock in the evening? She’s fulfilled her professional obligations and passed ownership of any further recovery to Peter. She shouldn’t be here.

I twist the lid on the top of the bottle and tuck it behind the lamp on the table.

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